Sitting here at Starbucks Sobe I am working with all of the feelings and situations arising around the sale of my home in Brooklyn. Particularly the feelings of fear and sadness as things seem not to be going my way in this moment. I fully understand-- intellectually--the temporary nature of both my feelings and the external events that I perceive as obstructive to my desires. In my gut I have knots.
This is an opportunity to let go of my usual responses. In sending an email reply to the President of the coop Board, after a couple of re-writes, I was able to express my concern at the current turn of events without blame. This is huge! I really do not know what is going on and I cannot control the decision of the Board in a particular matter that affects the sale of my apartment. There is a part of me that feels entitled and angry that this situation has occurred that I perceive may adversely affect me financially. I do not know this either. It is all conjecture on my part, fantasy, projection into a non existent future. Definitely not being here, now, in the present moment. And in this present moment I cannot affect materially what is happening nor change what has yet to be decided. Once the Board informs me of their decision then I can take next steps if I choose.
Right here, now, I am sitting outside Starbucks Sobe in a comfy chair, drinking coffee. There is a light breeze off the ocean just a short walk away. I am looking at the sunlight on the 50's style beach buildings across the quiet street. I hear the easy conversations of those sitting around me including the giggles and gurgles of a young child. I smell eggs and cheese in breakfast wraps. This is what is real that I can experience now. Whatever is happening in New York is beyond my reach at this moment. I choose to be with what is here now-- at least for a moment